“Hey God, it’s me, Mirabelle.”
I said as I sighed and rubbed my forehead looking at the roof.
“I know you aren’t so proud of me right now. I know you probably don’t want to hear what I have to say but I’m sorry. I messed up really bad and I felt that no one loved or cared about me but I forgot you. You. You do care for me and I think You love me so much, even my dad does”. I bent my head as I played with my fingers.
“Father, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t rely on you when I needed someone to talk to. I’m sorry I’m coming now that I realise I need you desperately. I don’t understand what is going on within me. I don’t understand how to react to certain things. I don’t even know forgiveness anymore and Dr Martin said you could teach me. I want your help and I want you to help me to grow by your word. I also want to thank you for saving me the other day. I could have died but you wouldn’t let me and I don’t know why but I appreciate. Help me to learn how to love and appreciate things no matter how small. I don’t know if I’m talking too much but Dr Martin said I should just talk to you like you are my father and this is how I know how. I hope you heard me though. I hope you help me understand you better and help my family too. I don’t hate them but I can’t say I love them either. Oh yeah!, and I want to hear from you. Dr Martin said it is possible and I really hope I can hear from you. Yours sincerely, Mirabelle.” I sighed as I smiled. I had this slow growing peace I was beginning to feel inside. It came softly and rose like the tide. Maybe Dr Martin was right, I just needed to talk to him and I was happy I did. I rolled out of bed as I headed to the kitchen to get something to drink. I turned on the light to see Gloria sitting in the dark.
“Jesus!” I yelled as I held my chest.
“Hey!” She said smiling at me.
“Hey!” I replied trying to brush aside the fact that she just scared me. I stood there starring at her as she stared back. I cleared my throat as I turned to walk away.
“I’m sorry Mirabelle. I really am. I was a terrible sister to you and I regret every single thing I did to you. I know I made you feel ugly and bad about yourself and your looks but truthfully I liked what you looked like but everyone was saying otherwise and I didn’t want to be the sentimental one. They could have picked on me instead, but I chose their toxic relationship to a better one I could have had with you and I’m so sorry. I really don’t deserve your forgiveness but maybe someday we could put all this aside and be sisters again. Please?”
She was actually apologizing and this was so unbelievable. I sighed as I tried to walk away again when Dr Martin’s voice echoed in my head softly; “Forgiveness”. I groaned as I turned to her. She had tears in her eyes as she looked at me.
“Are you crying?” I asked as I walked to her. She nodded as she cleaned her eyes as if trying to hide it again.
“I’m sorry you had to see me cry. I’m just wondering what I could have done if you had killed yourself and I contributed to it. I’m so sorry Bella.” She said as she broke into tears in front of me. I threw my hands around her and enveloped her in a hug. It was nice, even when it was the first time I was hugging her.
“This is so weird.” I heard her say as we pulled away.
” Tell me about it.” I said as I watched her dry her tears and giggled.
“You want anything to drink?” I asked as I walked to the fridge.
” Bring the ice cream bowl”.
I carried the bowl out and picked 2 cups, spoons and a scooper and walked back to her. I sat next to her as she dished the ice cream for the two of us and sat down.
“So tell me, how’s work going?.” I said as I took a big scoop of ice cream. We sat there for hours talking about how she has been and dreams we want to come through after which we both went to bed. I was feeling a lot better and lighter emotionally as we retired to bed.