“Dr Martin?” I called and he stopped and turned to me.
“Maybe we could talk about it; but if I don’t feel like going along down the line, maybe you could leave then.” He nodded at me still smiling as he came back and sat down. He then brought out his book and pen.
“I don’t want you to write or record anything please.”
“Sure.” He replied as he placed everything down and folded his arm. I drew myself from the floor and sat on my chair, facing him again.
“So tell me, are you hurting?” He asked and I nodded slowly.
“Who do you think made you this hurt?” I looked down as I played with my fingers.
“Truthfully, I think I hurt myself first before anyone else. When I was a child, I was so close to my father that we promised to start a band. My mum and I then just had a normal typical relationship until she came up with this really weird idea that I should be in the boarding school even when I was just in primary 5. What did I know about surviving alone in a hostel? But I went and tried to enjoy it. My brother was the legendary science student while my sister was already attending poem competition in JSS 2 but I was being bullied in class. I got called dumb and fat, I had a lot of friends but I had non when they all began body shaming me. I was always humiliated and at some point I couldn’t sleep any more because I just didn’t get how people I called my friends could be hurling hurtful remarks at me at will” I sniffed as I cleaned the new dripping tears.
“Are you okay? You could stop if you want.” I waved my head and cleared my throat.
“I tried telling my sister but she told me it wasn’t her problem, she said I should handle my embarrassing self away from her. I even told my brother and he said he wasn’t my parent, so I lived with it until my JSS class when one of the boys mistakenly hit me on my breast and I wined in pain and he laughed asking why I wined considering the fact that I had nothing on my chest compared to my elder sister. I cried all day and then I called my parents and told them, I didn’t want to continue here! I didn’t want to be in the same school with my siblings anymore but my mom called me selfish. Selfish? I was the one being bullied while my siblings lived their perfect lives. I was the one being molested while my siblings went for competitions and got honoured and I was being selfish for requesting to attend another school at home with my little sister?” I burst into tears as I fumed.
“Breathe Mirabelle, Breathe.” I cleaned my eyes as I took another deep breath under my wildly beating heart.
“So tell me Mirabelle, is this why you almost died?” He asked as I giggled.
“This I just told you should be the nicest thing my family has ever done for me.”
“How is that?” He asked looking confused.
“My mother hates me, I know deep down she wishes she never had me.” I said as I twitched my nose in disgust.
“How do you know this?” He asked crossing his leg.
“There was this one time I was at the mall with her and I was carrying the bags as I followed her closely so I don’t loose her. Her friend saw her and while they exchanged greetings, the woman said her maids looked better than hers’ of which she affirmed to. The woman asked me what my name was and I told her. She said my name was really nice for a maid. My mother turned to me and asked the woman if she was talking about me as the maid of which she agreed. Instead of my mother correcting her she said,”oh her, she was really hard to find but she does her job well if you ask me.” I have never felt so humiliated. Besides she says it a lot that I must have been a switched in the hospital.”
“Okay that’s incredibly harsh for a mother. So tell me, about your father. Why do you hate him? You were so close.” I waved my index finger at him immediately.
” I don’t hate my father, he works hard and I know he hasn’t been the best father but he hasn’t been a failure like the other of my family members. He is trying to be a better person and I appreciate that a lot unlike my mother who finds faults in everything I do and encourages my siblings to treat me like a failure.” I wasn’t crying any more, I was feeling better and lighter.
“Tell me about your siblings.”
“Well my elder brother hates me, he feels the way my mother does, the only difference is that he isn’t my mother. My elder sister has bullied me my whole life. She has body shamed me more that everyone I have ever met put together. Then my younger sister, well we were kind of close until we got into an argument and she made my mum believe I hit her and got punished for nothing. She has hated me ever since. I’m like a stranger in my house. I don’t talk to anyone and no one talks to me. Now, I shut them all out.” I shurgged trying to act okay.
“Can I ask something without you getting upset?”
“Yep” I replied popping the “p”.
“When you say ‘molested’ you mean?”
“Raped? Yap. Twice but I don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to talk about this one now that I have the courage to” He nods and smiles at me.